Teacher Tired Feeling

The year is closing in and it is that bittersweet moment in which you realise that your current crew will soon depart from kindergarten and move over to Early Primary. Deep down I always wish to keep them in Kindergarten because it is still a place for innocence to reign through play. Yet again they have outgrown my lap and need to move on. A stepping stone to the next level in which is both beautiful and sad at the same time.

Their teachers would be absolutely AMAZING!!! BUT... Knowing how much they will miss moving about breaks my heart. Knowing how much they would yearn more for those messy plays makes me blue. Knowing how much they need to listen and stay put makes me want to keep them with me more.

But I must confess that I too am tired and need a break. "Teacher Tired" that is. That guilty feeling of not pushing enough lingers constantly, even when you know deep down that you are still giving them a swell of a time. Your body signals a time out in mischievous ways often telling you to slow down as yes you are burnt out. Whether you like it or not, your age won't matter in this scenario because unless you are a teacher, you can't fully understand that "Teacher Tired" feeling. It is not like cold and flu symptoms, one which can go away by time or medication. You can't fix it with antibiotics, over the counter meds or herbal treatments. What you can do is accept the defeat that it has taken over you and that you too as an educator are a human being after all.

So what is "Teacher Tired" you may ask? It is a complex variation between mental, physical, social and emotional exhaustion. One may think it is exaggerated but in reality it is very true. Breaking them down is complicated in itself but this is how my "Teacher Tired" feels like until this day.

Mental Exhaustion:

Waking up every day is a blessing in itself but waking up as an educator is an even bigger blessing. I get to do what I love. Wake up excitedly and make a new day ever so great. However behind all this greatness there is an educator who overthinks about the policies, procedures, guidelines, instructions, ethical conduct, wellbeing, quality of education, quality of life and much more. Overthinking about own profession, career, salary, grade and progression together with the future of the students within our care. Questioning constantly if you are doing things right or wrong and of course what you can improve. If what you do is appropriate, ethical and inclusive. Whether you have the right to say and do certain manoeuvres or if you need to see consent for even the slightest ideas. The thoughts of missing out on events, sending out emails, reports, documentation or even a praise. Whether you would get in trouble if you say this or that, or even if you remain silent or speak up your mind.

At the end you get it, it catches up with you and you can't deny it. It is only fair to acknowledge that these mental exhaustions are caused even when you have the BIGGEST support. In my case my mental exhaustion has nothing to do with the sheer positive amount of sapport I have been entrusted with this year, however "Teacher Tired" caught up with me still. The burnout of every overthinker like myself makes mental exhaustion shut you down at such time of the year. You feel helpless eventhough you are told that you are doing GREAT! That constant whirlwind in your brain keeps winding up ideas, brewing creativity and exploring innovative solutions. You get inspired and defeated at the same time. Rising to the occasion is a special power which overcomes "Teacher Tired" feeling, because at the end of the day that is what we actually do. Yes even when we feel deflated or with million other things on our mind. We power up, pull up our sleeves and push through. BUT we can't deny that "Teacher Tired" is there too.

Physical Exhaustion:

The age plays it's pretty glory but believe me when I tell you that it is a small fraction to why we are "Teacher Tired". Throughout the year you sit down on the smallest chairs, coldest floors or prickly carpets, just to ensure that you are at the students eye level for better communication, collaboration and learning opportunities. You go home with bruises, scratches, splinters, bite marks and much more. Pain becomes numb. The physic of an educator is not defined by it's shape but by it's power of how far you can make it till the end. Your knees wobble more, your legs tingle tighter and your best friend becomes that most uncomfortable small chair. Otherwise you know you won't make it through the rest of the day.

Of course let's not forget to mention the added factor of change in temperature, causing "Teacher Tired" to regulate own body temperatures with clothings especially at the end of this term. One can't overlook that the heat will exhaust us too, so imagine the student's hyperactivity or lazy lounging in those hottest days. By far it doubles those "Teacher Tired" moments. The sweaty armpits, slimy sticky handshakes and of course those oh so smelly odures. Physically you push through as much as they do but in reality their exhaustion turns into hyperactivity while ours result in a much needed Siesta or two.

Social Exhaustion:

As much as you love your students to bits, by this time of the year you do secretly crave for that long awaited alone time. Be it in the bathroom, be it during CT or be it in the early wakes of your morning. You absolutely LOVE and ADORE them but it becomes harder when you are "Teacher Tired". Pushing through the day, you listen to the same story for the hundreth time, you need to repeat everything more than twice, give out odd stares because you know they can do better and of course the moaning gravitates to an even more annoying part of your social interactions. By this time of the year it is alot to take in and yet you handle it like the true professional you truly are. You stay put and go on, listen in, intervene, commute and of course be part of the team. At the end of the day it is not their fault and deep down you know that your "Teacher Tired" can push through a bit more until they are still within your care.

But out of all the social exhaustion, the most tiring of all is that "Teacher Tired" conversations. Admit it we ALL do it, we ALL feel it and we ALL live it. You tend to have had enough of listening in to someone's problems but yet again you don't realise that the feeling is reciprocal because you do it constantly too. You are tired of everyone and everything that is miniscules, is inflated into the biggest bubble of all. The collaborative conversations slow down because you are tired and want nothing to do with anything or anyone at this point of the year. But deep down you know you want it badly because you sooo love what you do. Those colleagues you may not like working with become less interesting while the ones you adore, look forward in meeting them outside school hours for a Fiesta. Why? Because this is "Teacher Tired" and while social interactions can exhaust us we still need them going to uplift our moods.

Emotional Exhaustion:

That feeling of letting them go, leaving the year behind and of course ending a year with such success, you get emotional on different levels. You know you will miss them but you know you need to let go. The pupils are the ones who make your year extra special and they will make you cry but yet fill your heart with such pride. Your attachment and bond is unbreakable, however you wish to hold on to them as much as you can eventhough you also wish for them to let you go. This battling feeling tears you apart. You know it happens yearly and this feeling inside will eventually take peace. In the meantime you will find fond memories in every crook and cranny that you clean up, even the bad memories will shimmer a light of joy inside you. This too is "Teacher Tired". Those ping pong feelings of wanting to let go while yet you wish to hold on.

The hardest one for me personally is emotionally deattaching myself from my student's different scenarios, especially the ones who are stuck in a rut because of different reasons. Helpless and fearful of what is yet to come with the students I love and hold so dear. Will they be fine? Will they make it? How and what could I have done more? This inner feeling is a constant battle for ALL dedicated educators and at this time of the year it escalates further. We fear the unknown and the uncertainty of it all. Yes we gave them the best we could but was it enough? Internally this makes me "Teacher Tired" the most. That feeling of wanting to change their world for a little bit longer or for as much as you could. Thus feeling deflates me the most. Emotionally I suffer in letting go of these students because I know that our bond is stronger than what we anticipated in the beginning of the year. Yes all students will be missed but some I worry for more.

So at the end of the day I stop, reflect and write because it is how I ease my tired teacher life. Many will relate and many will object but this is my reality. My "Teacher Tired" is this tired and as much as I love what I do, I too feel that I need summer to recharge and press pause. It is how I can regenerate back my mental wellbeing, physical health, rekindle social interactions and above all settle in with these unbalanced emotions. To all the "Teacher Tired" colleagues who acknowledge your exhaustion, I salute you too. To those who are nowhere close to "Teacher Tired", I applaud you with all my might and you are a true force of human kind. Salute until then and remember to hang in there!