The End of My Dissertation Journey

Those who have been following my latest journey know by now that in a nutshell my dissertation was about visible tattoos and piercings on Early Years Practitioners.

I conducted a quantitative study with guardians to gather diverse perspectives on the subject. Afterwards I analysed the 135 participants replies (Thank you if you were one of them) through visual charts and statistics.

My Dissertation

I personally had my fair share of challenges along the way and I am somewhat ready to go down memory lane as it would also ease my current situation with Destiny's passing.

Why Tattoos and Piercings?

So why did I take my dissertation into this direction? To he honest I was contemplating on three subjects close to my heart. I was juggling the topics of visible tattoos and piercings on practitioners, eTwinning as part of a classroom pedagogy and the world of "gun play" inside the classroom environment. Yes I know very different from eachother but it is what my heart felt attracted too at that moment.

I am no stranger to tattoos and have two small ones on my lower legs. Not ashemd at all of them and I have a symbolic meaning for each one. I won't be going into detail about them don't worry. They are playful tattoos, one black ink butterfly on my lower right leg and a colourful Poppy from the "Trolls" movie on my lower left leg.

When my son was in Year 2, at the age of 7, he questionned why I was covering my tattoos. I have always been honest with Luca and when he heard my response he got angry, upset and frustrated. Like BIG TIME! This scenario kept propping up and thought it might be time to stop dwelling on the "whys" and investigate more my original hypothesis on the matter without being biased on the subject itself.

My Personal Motivation as Explained during my VIVA Presentation

Tattoos and piercings are YES still somewhat subjective and I won't be going into detail about them. Everyone has their opinions and surprisingly some I can now link to reliable literature while others got me thinking further. I invite you to look up my dissertation at IFE or MCAST libraries next scholastic year, should you wish to know more about my research findings. They are interesting but a very long read I must say (believe me it is long as I wrote it).

The Support System I didn't know I NEEDED:

From applying the SOI to printing the whole thing. My anxiety levels never stopped soaring. To be exact from August 2022 till June 2023. I had ample self-doubt and so many pressure on my shoulder. With a family of my own to take care of, a sick dog, house renovations, other family members to look out for, work, friendship breakdowns, studies, assignments, teaching practice and external work. The load kept piling up constantly and it was hard to say "no" or simply push things away. My support system believed in me wholeheartedly.

My tutor was Mr. Heathcliff Schembri. He gave me the necessary guidance to which I am grateful for. Late night emails, making sure I kept up with deadlines, helping me stay on track and directing me step by step on what I was doing right and wrong. I remember clearly from the beginning till our last call, telling him "I am not aiming high... I have no time to do anything extra.. my family is my NUMBER ONE priority... This is how far I can take myself". Always with a grit he ends the call "taqtax qalbek ejja", then we hang up and I burst into tears every single time.

I was blessed to share this journey with my dear classmates, in particular sharing tutorials and the same dissertation tutor with Raissa Scicluna Micallef and Christine Buhagiar. We were able to keep the ball rolling together and although we investigated totally different subjects, we were able to keep eachother on point. Cracking up dissertation jokes, sharing the stress, crying our hearts out and above all be there through it all from start till the end. I highly recommend to find dissertation partners as you would be amazed how heartwarming it is to have someone to rely on and not judge you. We pushed eachother till the very end.

From left to right Raissa Scicluna Micallef, Christine Buhagiar and myself after we presented our VIVA

After all the writing, editing, corrections from my tutor side was done and dusted, I turned to my aunt Judie Ibbotson to help me proofread my work. I always looked up to her and the way she taught us English back in the days. Hahaha yes my grammar is far off from prim and proper but yet again it is a language I am comfortable in communicating with most. She helped me forsee my mistakes, fix my flaws and elevate what I wanted readers to comprehend. After months of researching, rearranging and overseeing my own dissertation myself, having a proofreader helped me understand better what outsiders are making out of my work. Do they understand it? Is it interesting? Does it make sense? Is it flowing correctly? Luckily my aunt was able to do that for me with outmost professionalism. If you are thinking about it, I recommend having a proofreader oversee your work before submitting your final dissertation. It is remarkable how much you learn from outsiders who havent been through the whole process with you promise!

Of course the list of support is truly endless. My school colleagues in particular my classteam Sharon Bartolo, Celina Cutajar and Nicole Marie Grech made sure I was sane enough for work. They kept my shenanigans alive even when I was away on study leave, sick due to my stress or when having a panic attack. My SLT Ms. Cauchi and Ms. Tanti, understood the pressure I was under and they reassured me that my work was all well and good from my end. Not to forget my incredible students and their guardians who made my day brighter every day! These individuals helped me wake up every single day and look the positive side of things during my darkest days.

A Photo taken on my Birthday by Ms. Sharon with my students giving me a huge hug

I had my fair share of cries! Plenty to be exact! I tried hard to keep my personal life away from work but at times when everything started to toll down, support was provided to lift me up again. From all the eTwinning Malta ambassadors team to all of the ECDAM committee. They were by far understanding that I was unable to produce my 100% best during this journey. BUT they all made sure I was well supported and looked after. They dropped in messages, attended my appointments and some even dropped phone calls to make sure I was doing fine. It was so hard for me to stay away from doing the things I enjoyed most.

I missed out on so many social events. You have no idea how this got to me pretty hard. I know things have been said behind my back for these past two years, more so during my dissertation. I was not there to defend my name BUT I am grateful for the ones who defended it for me during my absence. I have changed my social lifestyle, I had no choice but push it away. This made me feel, think, become frustrated, irritated, sad and at times felt lonely too. Friends like Stephanie Mizzi, Joyce Lentini, Anne Marie Buontempo and Lawrence Buontempo were ALWAYS there no matter what. They wiped my tears, gave me words of wisdom and ample encouragement. They were part of my dissertation journey without even knowing it. My circle of friends only mattered around these four core friendships. I needed no one else but them to show me that I am worth my own time, my own happiness, my own success. They held my hand and led me all the way when I had gossip circulating, bad mouthing my name and even some trying to tarnish my reputation. Did it matter? During my dissertation it did so much, but with the guidance of these core friendships I have learnt to move past negative individuals and forsee the truth from a better angle. They didn't care about the selfies we took together but they cared for my wholesome wellbeing.

A spontaneous gift by Anne Marie and Lawrence Buontempo during one of my meltdowns

Conducting a dissertation is a life lesson in itself and without a shadow of a doubt my family is the pillar to my successful journey. My guilt of not being present in the moment took a huge heartache. I am a family girl, a wife, a mother, a sister and a daughter. Seeing my family crumble one by one with their own issues broke my heart to a million pieces. At times I pushed my parents away as I was not thinking straight. My brother picked me up even when he had his own battles to conquer. Destiny was a cuddle away even though she was in agony and constant pain. Why I crumbled? Because during my dissertation I saw these individuals who I care deeply for crumble with me. This was truly my biggest heartache of all.

My husband and I fought constantly due to my stress. It was never his fault it was me, I knew it, I felt it and so did he. Clayton passionately waited for me till the end of my dissertation journey. He held me close to him when I had my first cry and held my hand when I had my last one. From receiving a Grade C in the SOI to getting an A in my dissertation. He believed in me all the way, more than I believed in myself. Luca of course saw me stumble more than one occasion. I let him down in so many ways but all he could see was his mother in pieces. Hence he was my backbone through it all. From getting me hot chocolates, lighting up my candles, making me toast, attending to the workers while I was in meetings, making sure Destiny had her medications and above all keeping up with his own studies and commitments too. Blessed was I who had these two look after me the most, as I wouldn't have made it till the end.

One of many Conversations I sent my hubby during my stressful dissertation days while trying to save.

And now? What's next?

So after answering my hypothesis questions and also investigating a few more questions which aroused throughout my dissertation, I am finally ready. Ready to actually have my dissertation journey inked on my own body to remind me of the bitter sweet moments. Waiting anxiously for my appointment which is due next week to finalise something that I started along with these supportive individuals. In the meantime I leave you with a teaser of what I sent my tattoo artist and I am eager to see the final design for this never-ending chapter to end.

My next Tattoo Brainstorming

Thank you all for your patience, kindness and support through it all. You too have been part of my journey and kept me going even when I stepped back to do it all.

Luv always

Cha